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| I am tired of the constant sitting I do everyday. Its not because I am lazy, it is because I sit in class, sit to eat, sit to write, sit to drive, I sit to do everything. The only time I get to stand is when I am at work, or I am walking. It makes me feel like a slug or potato. I don't like it much. These next two weeks should be exciting. I am going to 4 different, amazing shows, plus the Guitar Show that is coming up and hopefully I get a pretty new guitar. These next two weeks will be expensive and tireing. I can't wait. I need to do better in school. I am getting to lazy. Waay to lazy.
I really wish though, I know what was going to happen to me in the next 5 years.
If I will be married to that amazing lady?
What job I will be working?
Will I be a low-life?
Will I struggle to gain succes??
Will I like my job?
Who will still be with me then that I know now?
Will I finally be over the things that I want to be now?
Will I still have deep scars that I think about everyday?
Will I be happy with my life 5 years from now??
but I guess, in asking all these questions and more, I came to this one.
Am I happy with my life now?? Last night, I really needed. I think I am the type of person, or just in general everyone is like this, but, I needed a glass of water to quench my thirst. I got some God-arade last night. I know thats cheesy, but it made me excited to lead worship. It made me excited about that future girl, even though I am constanly trying to turn my focus away from the females, but that thought makes me happy. She makes me happy. I just hope she will forgive me for the things I screwed up in. I don't want to get into all of that cuzz then it would be a close replica of the thing I wrote for her. I wish I had not let anyone read it though. But its ok, cuzz over the years I will add to it. "Enemy, Don't Crow Over Me" I hope Catalyst lasts. I don't want to see it break. It has done so much for me. I am content with being a loner. I am happy, despite the immature actions of drama, to be by myself. I dont care anymore about it. I kinda like being by myself.
I am not alone. | | |
| The area around my nose is rosey, my eyes are sore, my head is blasting, its hard to hear, and harder to breathe.
I don't feel good.
Today, in order to save money, I made a lunch and I ate in the the bed of my truck after all of my classes were through. I ate by myself and it was nice. I read my bible some and it was all just good. The heat of today made me not want to go to Hell. I appreciated that.
Your words always want to contradict the event of happines I might have at one period of the day. Thankyou. I'm not letting that happen.
Distant, simply.
But I have you, the only source of speech.
I havent had what you have freely offered to me in so long.
A listener, A Friend
plus the fact that you are gorgeous makes it all even better
I am truly blessed by God through you.
I have a major problem I can only fix. Well, besides God, but on a personal, physical level, through the world's eyes in a certain form, I am the only one that can fix it.
I am a screw up Basically.
Don't, enemy, crow over me.
I'm down, but I'm not out.
I'm sitting in the dark right now,
but God is my light.
I cant take God's punishing rage.
I deserve it-I sinned.
But it's not forever. He's on my side
& is going to get me out of this.
He'll turn on the lights and show me His ways.
I'll see the whole picture and how right He is.
& my enemy will see it, too.
& be discredited-yes, disgraced!
This enemy who kept taunting,
"So where is this God of yours?"
I'm going to see it with these, my own eyes-
my enemy disgraced, trash in the gutter.
Micah 7: 8-10
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| If I could put it all out for you here
It would not make any difference what so ever
except some mite think its is whiny
because they don't read into it the right way
Its cuzz their brains can only go so far as their diapers
and they make scenarios that are false
Is it any differnce what I type or attempt to spill from my brain
your judgemental and over zealous
if the two can compare
talk about true companionship
in a sincere manor without empty words
which is what I feel I am doing
wasting empty words that have no meaning
Dont EVER assume you know who I am explaining or what I am expressing
I am tired of it though
your insecure reactions or treatments
I hate writing things like this ^ In my mind, I have made it to where you are all so Judgemental The past 13 hours have made my mind think of things in a more analyzed manor than ususal
I am constantly writing in my brain, and I wish I could keep it all
Even the decisions I make have been more deep in thought
but a more simple child like version of deeper thought
I dont mind walking down a sunny cool breezed side walk, rather than a shady colder one
even if it takes more time
yesterday was the first day I actually witnessed a grasshopper make music with the legs it was designed with
It took me a while to find the small insect, but when I did, I just watched it
child like thought is a much happier, simpler process
Now I am calming down from the frustration of before
This Connector is put on Mute:
I am still sick though
I am going to spend the next few days alone
with my phone off
and hopefully when I am done, everyone will go back to normal, and maybe have grown some
its stupid idiotic people that screw themselves over by not looking at the whole picture and really think about what they have said and how their actions contradict the words they speak.
a tongue is a very powerful thing I am anticipating
I am ready for the woman of God
I am ready for all that
mentaly I think I am, or would like to be
just to be happy for a simple thing as holding someones hand
I know I am no where near perfect for her though
I am looking forward to making myself that man of God she is anticipating
I know I am over-stepped
under-appreciated
at a loss of friendship
one-sided
as before and seems to be the fate I have when it comes to people
if you hold your ears closed with your pointer fingers and set your elbows on the table/desk
you can hear vibrations that you would not normaly hear
think about that
this is as truthful and straight forward as it could come | | |
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